Dr. Ed Wilson is a retired addiction treatment specialist and former owner of non12step.com. We think some of our readers will resonate with Dr. Wilson’s writing, though it may be a little more bold than our own at times. As such, we have included below his reflections about “Leaving AA,” an article he wrote for his own website. We have preserved his original writing, except for a few typos.

Many people wonder about leaving AA and some do. It’s usually a process filled with uncertainty caused by the brainwashing that accompanies membership in any cult. As a result, most people continue to attend pointless “meetings” long past any useful reason.

To understand how this happens it’s helpful to understand a bit more about alcohol and a lot more about groups. The alcohol part is straightforward: in addition to being a depressant, alcohol is also a regressant – meaning that it causes us to function at a more immature emotional and psychological level. In short, alcohol can reduce us to a pre-adolescent level where AA and other cults “work”. (For a detailed description see my “Guide to AA: Who it Helps, Who it Harms, Who it Kills & Why.”)

However, once you stop drinking on a regular basis your functional age begins to rebound to a normal level of maturity where cult membership is neither required nor desired. Unhappily, by the time this happens – usually 4 months to a year – people have been so brainwashed, demeaned, diminished, humiliated, abused and exploited that they are terrified of leaving. 

Consider this in comparison to SMART Recovery where it is assumed that you will outgrow your need for a support group within a year.

Also consider ex-smokers (and nicotine is far more addictive than alcohol) who skip the group experience altogether, endure the temporary discomfort, skip labeling themselves, refuse to count months, weeks, days, hours and minutes, and simply say, “I kicked the habit.”

Most people who want to leave AA also say that they would miss the “fellowship” or friends or whatever passes for a community. This overlooks the fact that most ardent Steppers lack the maturity necessary for any real intimacy or other significant relationships.

But, you say, I need/want a support group!

Fine. Use SMART Recovery as a transition while you develop a real support system, one that enhances you and your life, not one that demeans and diminishes.

“How do you do that?” is a reasonable question.

Think about an activity you enjoy, or think you might enjoy, which is incompatible with drinking, whose members have no knowledge of your drinking history nor any interest in it, and find either a group that you can join or create one. Readers do this with book clubs not all of which are chardonnay societies. Hikers and bikers do. In lieu of groups, sign up for classes at the local college, extension, or adult school in subjects that might be of interest whether pottery, photography, painting, writing, or???? There is also community service from Habitat for Humanity to local restoration services.

In short, find any activity which can be developed along with your connections with other people – connections based on doing stuff.

See the difference? No? AA is a group focused on NOT DRINKING! Excuse me, but you do not build a life on not doing anything. You build one on what you do.

In this framework problem drinking simply becomes another of those “been there, done that” activities that are no longer of interest beyond the occasional twinge of nostalgia or “what might have been” fear.

Yes, I have plenty of those. I’ve given up vodka, cigarettes, motorcycles, commercial salmon fishing, Alaskan winters, rock climbing, and drinking two dozen cups of coffee a day. I miss them all from time to time but I am thankful to have survived them too – and to be living a life that is fun, interesting and contains elements of both new and old.

In closing I will relate a call I received at the office one evening when I was working late:

“Good evening, this is Dr. Wilson. How may I help you?”

“Hello. I just wanted to call and say I was reading your website and liked what I read.”

“You have an alcohol problem?”

“Oh no. I went to AA 20 years ago and stopped drinking.”

“So?”

“I called to say that you’re right about AA. I was one of those conscientious members. Found space. Showed up early, set up chairs, made coffee. Then I stayed late to clean up and put everything away.”

“And?”

“After about ten years I had just finished clearing up, everyone else was long gone of course, having a cigarette and found myself saying to myself, ‘why are you doing this? You haven’t had a drinking problem in over a decade and you don’t even like these people!’”

“Your answer?”

“I’m done with AA and any ‘meetings’ I attend will involve things I like to do!”

“Such as?”

“Sex! I really like sex.”

“So?”

“Gave a whole new meaning to 90 meetings in 90 days.”

“Life is good?”

“A hell of a lot better than it ever was in AA.”

“Mind if I put your story in my newsletter some day?”

“No. And Doc? If you’re ever in ——- feel free to give me a call.”

Your interests may, or may not, be different, but the message is the same, “get a grip, get a life, get outta AA.”

If you are interested in Dr. Wilson’s approach to treatment, we think Practical Recovery’s approach could be a great fit for you.