“The opposite of addiction is connection,” but what kind of connection?
By Tom Horvath, PhD
Isolation is both a cause and effect of addictive problems, often in a vicious cycle: As we become more isolated, we may turn to our addictive behavior more, and as we do, we may become more isolated. Growing out of isolation is often a significant part of a change process. Are some connections more valuable for that change process?
A recent study focused on individuals who attend the Phoenix, a mutual support organization focused on offering alternative activities to individuals with addictive problems:
Through hundreds of weekly sober events and activities, we’re creating safe spaces for all individuals to connect, build friendships, find support, and have fun.
The study was considered important enough to be reviewed by the Recovery Research Institute on their Recovery Answers blog. The primary finding of the study is that extended time with others through the Phoenix appears to be a powerful connection for supporting change. For individuals who participate with the Phoenix, establishing relationships over time with others who are more advanced in the change process, appears to be an especially important aspect of support for change.
The implications of this finding appear to me to include the following ideas.
- If you engage in a social support activity (the Phoenix, SMART Recovery, 12-step meetings, etc.), stick with it. At least for many months, possibly for many years.
- At these events identify individuals who you like, admire, could learn from, or in some other way seem noteworthy to you, and get to know them. That process of getting to know them could start very small (a smile, a hello, a comment of appreciation for something they said or did).
- As you get to know them, bring up aspects of your addictive problems for discussion (the problems themselves, the successes you’ve had, your questions, etc.). Start small, see how they react.
- As these relationships become closer and you are experiencing success, expand these kinds of relationship efforts into other new or existing relationships. The change process may not need to be discussed in these other relationships, because your support relationships are doing what they need to do for you.
- Recognize that your support relationships may become long-lasting or be transitional. Do what seems best. However you decide, remember that “the opposite of addiction is connection,” and nurture the connections you have.
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