by A. Tom Horvath, Ph.D., ABPP
It is an old idea that we need to balance both ends of a polarity to have a good life. Over 2,000 years ago Aristotle suggested that using the mid-point between two extremes would be a sensible guide for behavior. For instance, the courage polarity has recklessness (acting without taking risk into consideration) at one end, and cowardice (being so afraid that you do not act at all) at the other. The mid-point, courage involves doing what needs to be done, even if you are afraid. There are many examples of balancing a polarity. Getting to balance involves moving to the center from both extremes.
However, some polarities do not fit this pattern. On what I am terming an expanding polarity we want to move toward both ends of the polarity simultaneously. For instance, consider the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
This polarity has acceptance at one end and working for change at the other. I suggest that for this polarity we do not want to move to the center, but rather move simultaneously to the extremes. Furthermore, as I move to one extreme it enables me to move toward the other.
The expanding polarity in action
To use the serenity/action polarity as an example, as I address a situation, I gain understanding about what must be accepted about it, and I thereby gain insight about what can be changed. From the other direction, as I change what can be changed, I come up against what cannot be changed. I am thus moving in opposite directions at once. We would not approach courage this way: simultaneously becoming more reckless and more cowardly.
As a visual image of the expanding polarity, I suggest the tree. As its roots grow deeper its branches can grow higher, and vice versa. Growth in one direction enables growth in the other.
Quite often we will benefit from understanding that life involves polarities. I need to work and rest, socialize and be alone, make advances and maintain my progress, and so forth. For some of these polarities we will want some of both ends, and for others we will do better to pursue more of both.
If you’d like to explore how expanding polarity can aid in recovery, our individual therapy services could be a great fit. Please don’t hesitate to reach out – we’re here for you.
