Boundaries are difficult. Figuring out what your own wants, needs, and limits are can sometimes be hard enough. And then we must figure out a way to communicate our wants, needs and limits to someone else who may have a history of pushing them. Now add on top of that the stress, overwhelm, and sometimes chaotic nature of the holiday season, and it makes sense that this time of year is one of the hardest in terms of setting and maintaining boundaries.   If you have a family member, or loved one who is struggling with substance abuse, or additional mental health disorders that may be affecting the way that they show up- setting boundaries during the holidays is essential. Sometimes it can be difficult to hold space for the awareness of your loved one’s struggle with substance a...

by Thaddeus Camlin, PsyD Sparks do not burst from a vacuum, they are incandescent blasts from intense heat and friction.  The famous Christmas Carol ‘Feliz Navidad’ was back in the headlines recently celebrating its 50th anniversary.  Most stories talked about the song-writing process of its creator, José Feliciano, as one of magical ease, a spark of hope and inspiration.  The magical spark storyline fits, given that 'Feliz Navidad' contains only 19 words, was written in ten minutes, and recorded in one take.  What is missed in the magical story of Feliz Navidad’s inception is the backdrop of toil, perseverance, sacrifice, and hardship in the life of the songwriter that constituted the rich soil from which the Christmas Carol gem burst forth. Feliciano was born in Puerto Rico in 1...

By Thaddeus Camlin, PsyD Holidays are ripe with tales of family gatherings gone sour.  Many families anticipate disruptive antics from at least one family member, maybe more.  As the beloved Lion King character, Zazu, memorably proclaimed about rabble-rousing kin, there’s one in every family, two in mine actually!  Whether there are one, two, or 10 family rascals to navigate this holiday season, SMART Recovery offers effective tips for family communication to help maximize enjoyable interactions with loved ones. The SMART acronym PIUS outlines four core communication skills.  The ‘P’ stands for positive communication.  Before anyone jumps to ‘captain obvious’ critiques about how much of a no-brainer it is to try to communicate positively, let’s take more than a passing, dismis...

by Thaddeus Camlin, PsyD Gratitude tends to be hard-earned.  When life’s complexities converge and we endure a series of painful complications, gratitude may seem like a fool’s errand at precisely the time when it is most needed.  Thanksgiving reminds us, no matter our circumstances, to pause and appreciate.  Nestled amidst a global pandemic, this iteration of our annual holiday of thanks may be a strange and creative version of our usual traditions.  The felt experience of true gratitude may be elusive amidst uniquely trying times.  What follows are some considerations for how to cultivate gratitude for Thanksgiving 2020 (spoiler alert: it's a not a matter of '5 easy ways to be grateful,' there are no shortcuts or drive-thru paths to true gratitude). Gratitude is not the most nat...

Holiday Tips Navigating the holidays can be tough.  The holidays can also be wondrous and joyful.  As we put 2022 in the books and look ahead to a new year, a few last minute tricks might be useful as the heart of the holidays hits home. Below are some holiday tips to help make the most wonderful time of the year, well, wonderful.   You might also be interested in: 6 Exit Strategies for Uncomfortable Holiday Situations 1. Prioritize What You Enjoy For many, too much of the holiday season is spent fulfilling obligations and not enough time is spent doing things we actually enjoy.  Pass on the construction of the second cousin’s Aunt’s sister’s front yard manger scene in favor of some good laughs viewing A Christmas Vacation at home. 2. Manage Your Own Addictive Behaviors, Not Othe...

by Thaddeus Camlin, Psy.D. It’s the most wonderful time of year…  for some.  For others, this time of year brings with it uncomfortable holiday situations and challenges.  Navigating difficult family members, work events, and beverage-laden holiday parties while successfully self-regulating or abstaining from alcohol can render celebratory festivities a skosh toilsome.  Here are some exit strategies to help navigate uncomfortable holiday situations. 1. Identify Your Reason to Leave Ahead of Time. You know Topher from marketing is going to hound you all night to have a drink (or 10) with him, and you know you don’t want to play Robin to Topher’s Batman in the tales of misadventure that the entire company laughs and cringes about on the Monday after the holiday party.  After the main...

by Thaddeus Camlin, Psy.D. Thansgiving and the Problem of Instant Gratification Somehow Thanksgiving, our holiday of gratitude, has morphed into a gluttonous melee of over-indulgence and excess.  If there is ever a time to practice coping with urges, resisting temptations, and moderate indulging, it is amidst the relentless onslaught of food and drink offerings that we are bombarded with throughout the celebratory festivities of November’s fourth Thursday. The P.I.G., or Problem of Instant Gratification, is a hallmark of the feverish consumer culture that abounds today.  As if the multitudinous dishes of the Thanksgiving meal weren’t enough, now we have trample-happy shopping sprees to add to the frenzied fervor of our most indulgent holiday.  One-click buying, drive-through “dinin...

Originally posted December 26, 2014 As the new year approaches, many of us are considering the resolutions that we want to put in place in order to improve ourselves and/or our lives. Unfortunately, New Years resolutions often fail, typically within the first few weeks of January. Consider the following tips to increase your likelihood of successfully sticking with your resolutions: 1. Check your motivation for the resolution. —Is this really a change that you want to make (and feel ready for), or are you just feeling pressure to do so as you realize that time continues to pass? The more motivated you are, the more likely you are to be able to successfully stick to your resolution. Consider doing a cost/benefit analysis. If the costs of the old behavior clearly outweigh the benefi...

Need some extra reasons not to drink or use this holiday season? We've got you covered with these 9 benefits of staying sober. Print out the list and hang it up at home, keep it in your purse or pocket when you go out, or just take a mental note to remind yourself why you're not giving into the urge this season. 1. No Embarrassing Behavior Drinking and using too much can bring out our wild side. Skip the table dancing at the company party, the brawl at the bar, passing out at the parents' house or the number of other embarrassing things we do when intoxicated and celebrate the dignity of maintaining control this year. Your future self will thank you! 2. Build Your Confidence in Your Ability to Pass Up Drugs and Alcohol Take on the challenge of saying no during this time of indulgenc...

By Tom Horvath, Ph.D., ABPP Does your loved one drink too much during the holidays? Or at any time for that matter? What’s the best way to respond? Here are some general guidelines for navigating this challenging time. Every person and situation is different, so these guidelines are just a beginning. Let’s start with what is ineffective and possibly harmful. Don't ignore the excessive drinking. Sometimes ignoring a problem is sensible, especially if it clears up later on its own. Here we assume it is not clearing up. Like drinking too much, ignoring problems is a short-term solution that masks, or tries to mask, something deeper. Looking for treatment for someone you love? Click here. Don't tell your loved one what to do or how to do it. Perhaps the most important fact about ad...