Problems are an inevitable part of life, but we have choices about how to handle them. We can avoid or deny problems, which often makes them bigger, or we can be proactive and resolve them. Some problems cannot be "solved," only resolved. We often need to practice acceptance. For instance, if I consider dying a problem, then accepting that ultimate reality is the only resolution. However, even problems that may require a large amount of acceptance can also benefit from problem-solving some of their components. For instance, I am not able to avoid death, but I can have influence over many aspects of it. From a self-empowering perspective, acceptance is often Plan B, with active problem solving being Plan A. Here are five basic steps for effective problem solving: Define the pro...

Tom Horvath, Ph.D. talks to San Diego's Fox5 and responds to children's concerns regarding their parents' addiction to technology. As Dr. Horvath points out, there is an upside to this, and some surprising truths. Be sure to click for full screen view.

Sometimes we know what we should do, but we struggle with motivating ourselves to actually get it done. Going to the gym, finishing a project, cleaning the house … these tasks can be difficult when motivation is lacking. However, a lack of motivation does not have to derail you from meeting your goals. Here are some tips to try when you are struggling with low motivation: 1. Remember why the activity is of value to you-- Most people don’t exercise just to exercise…. They do it because they want to be healthy and fit. Remembering why you want to do something can make doing it more desirable. 2. Start small-- If a task feels overwhelming, it can be hard to get started. Tell yourself that you will just do a small part of the task rather than committing to the whole thing. Often, you ...

Physical and emotional health are very much connected. If you are not feeling well physically, it is difficult to manage feelings of anger, sadness, or anxiety. In order to improve your physical well-being (and in turn your emotional well-being), focus on the following areas: Sleep—Restful sleep is an important part of a healthy, balanced lifestyle. If you have difficulty sleeping, try reducing your caffeine intake. Creating a sleep routine can also be helpful. Go to bed at the same time each night, and practice a relaxing nightly ritual such as meditation. Exercise—Physical exercise is not only beneficial to your body, but also to your mood. Exercise does not need to be strenuous to be beneficial; simply taking a walk can make you feel better. If you have not exercised for a whil...

Being kind to others feels good, and research shows that it also has beneficial effects. Did you know that kindness actually increases happiness? When we do something nice for others, the dopamine levels in our brains increase, making us feel happier. This feeling is known as a “helper’s high.” Kindness also improves our relationships by making us feel more bonded to other people. Kindness has even been found to slow the aging process. In honor of “Be Kind to Humankind Week,” consider making an effort to spread some extra cheer. Here are a few simple things to try: 1. Random acts of kindness—Simply do something nice for somebody else! You could pay for a stranger’s Starbucks order, put a quarter in a meter that will soon expire, or offer to do some yard work for a neighbor. 2. ...

Support is a crucial part of recovery. When times get tough, it is important to have supportive friends on whom you can rely. However, friends can be problematic when they trigger old addictive habits and behaviors. Often people in recovery need to build new friendships with people who are supportive of recovery and free from their own addictions. This can seem like a daunting task, especially if most of your social activities have involved drinking/using in the past. Here are 3 suggestions for finding new friends: Recovery meetings offer an opportunity to meet new friends who share similar goals. When attending meetings, say hello to other group members. Ask for phone numbers or invite somebody to go out for coffee. It may be scary to reach out to new people at first, but it gets...

Setting goals is a crucial part of recovery. After all, if you are not working toward something that is meaningful to you, what’s the point? Maybe you are striving toward finding a meaningful relationship, getting healthier, or getting a job that ignites your passion. Whatever your goals are, make sure they are “S.M.A.R.T.”: Specific—Be as specific as possible when setting goals. For example, “run a marathon” vs. “improve my health.” Measurable—If a goal is not measurable, it is hard to tell whether or not you have achieved it. “Lose ten pounds” is a clearer goal than “lose weight.” Agreeable—If you do not actually want to achieve the goal, it will be extremely hard to stay motivated. Work on setting goals that fit in with your values and what you truly want for yourself, rathe...

“Procrastination makes easy things hard, hard things harder.” -- Mason Cooley Procrastination is a common problem. It’s all too tempting to put off an unpleasant task until some later time. However, procrastination can resemble addictive behavior and can be extremely problematic. The more we procrastinate, the more stress we typically create for ourselves. Here are some tips to help you avoid procrastinating: Start small—Just commit to taking one small step. Usually, you will find that it is not as bad as you expected, and it will be relatively easy to keep going. If you are procrastinating because the task feels overwhelming, breaking it down into smaller, easier steps makes it feel much more manageable. Confront negative beliefs—If you are telling yourself things such as, “...

Focusing on the past can lead to feelings of regret and guilt. Similarly, thinking about the future can create anxiety and worry. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to stay in the present moment—to be mindful. To be mindful means to be aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations without judging or criticizing yourself or your experience. Mindfulness is a great tool for managing cravings, anxiety, and other emotions/experiences that are difficult to handle. Here is a simple mindful breathing exercise to get you started: Sit or stand in a comfortable position. Slowly inhale through your nose, counting to five. Exhale from your mouth, counting to eight. Repeat several times. The key to mindfulness is to be present and maintain focus on the moment. Thoughts will come; si...

“There were many terrible things in my life and most of them never happened.” – Michel de Montaigne Worrying can be useful since it can motivate us to be prepared. However, too much worry can be problematic and can lead to sleep problems, irritability, poor concentration, and overwhelming feelings of anxiety and stress. Worrying can also be a waste of time and energy. Often, the things that we worry about are beyond our control and no amount of worrying will guarantee a positive outcome. Here are some quick tips for managing worry: 1. Challenge your thoughts – when we worry, we tend to overestimate the likelihood of a negative outcome. So ask yourself how likely that worst case scenario really is and consider other options that may be more realistic and easier to handle. 2. Use...